POETRY
She is Seven
From The Agora, a bi-annual literary publication created in cooperation with the University of Wisconsin-Madison Division of Continuing Studies, Vol.5, 2017
Every Little Girl
From The Agora, a bi-annual literary publication created in cooperation with the University of Wisconsin-Madison Division of Continuing Studies, Vol.6, 2019
Compensation for Longing Looks Lost
From the Agora, a bi-annual literary publication created in cooperation with the University of Wisconsin-Madison Division of Continuing Studies,
Volume 8, 2023
Streaming
Brain Shivers
Absent
Fish
Saturday
Passing Venus
Springsteen Sings
Nest
On Awakening
Warm Wind
Worn from Wear
Ode to Aging
Addiction
Moving On
Lyrics
Six to One
recorded at Eden Maze Studios, Encinitas CA., limited distribution
Six to One
recorded at Eden Maze Studios, Encinitas CA., limited distribution
Dawn Bedore Proctor
EVERY LITTLE GIRL
Every little girl in love
with daddy
dreams
of strong shoulders
a place that’s safe
from loud
house noise
and rough-house boys
with daddy
dreams
of strong shoulders
a place that’s safe
from loud
house noise
and rough-house boys
Lift me up and over
stones and
chaos
shards of glass
out of the car
onto the grass
light as hair
on muscled arms
out of the shade
into the sun
stones and
chaos
shards of glass
out of the car
onto the grass
light as hair
on muscled arms
out of the shade
into the sun
Still seeking
weightlessness
no longer
petite female
fleeing years
of gravity
escapes each night
to sweet safety
once again in Daddy’s arms
wakes rudely to
his memory.
weightlessness
no longer
petite female
fleeing years
of gravity
escapes each night
to sweet safety
once again in Daddy’s arms
wakes rudely to
his memory.
Dawn Bedore Proctor
From the Agora, Volume 5, 2017
BRAIN SHIVERS
Remember Ben with kite and key
capturing the first of many
to be bottled forces sources
already circulating free
now we pay for watts milligrams sony
worship at the pharmacy
over the counter ingest these
recommended energies
inviting lightning I can’t see
ever deeper into me dispensing with reality.
Now I feel my brain has gained
the power to harvest hold and tame
this buzzing weathered neighborhood
its pulsing veins of static shame
snapping currents catch recap
each cloudy soul as I drive past
plastic chairs on brown front lawns
overdosed I veer too close as
dirty yellow trucks are leaning
rest on worn-to-gleaming tracks
orange vested young men dare to stay
brave the narrow dark causeway
one last time turn and see
blonde breezy hair and loud cd
the power surging still in me.
I am swinging from your highs and lows
wide and reckless enough to know
you intimately across aluminum littered streets and skies
I hear the fear behind your eyes
I am thrumming, I am humming
in God’s darkness I keep coming
through cooling fans and garage bands
projections from scarred satellites
dancing chains of blue headlights
reveal in sweet proximity
all you would never share with me.
Stand in my storm no need to run
I own the amps receivers on
give in turn up so you can hear
the song within the song
I have been playing for you all along.
capturing the first of many
to be bottled forces sources
already circulating free
now we pay for watts milligrams sony
worship at the pharmacy
over the counter ingest these
recommended energies
inviting lightning I can’t see
ever deeper into me dispensing with reality.
Now I feel my brain has gained
the power to harvest hold and tame
this buzzing weathered neighborhood
its pulsing veins of static shame
snapping currents catch recap
each cloudy soul as I drive past
plastic chairs on brown front lawns
overdosed I veer too close as
dirty yellow trucks are leaning
rest on worn-to-gleaming tracks
orange vested young men dare to stay
brave the narrow dark causeway
one last time turn and see
blonde breezy hair and loud cd
the power surging still in me.
I am swinging from your highs and lows
wide and reckless enough to know
you intimately across aluminum littered streets and skies
I hear the fear behind your eyes
I am thrumming, I am humming
in God’s darkness I keep coming
through cooling fans and garage bands
projections from scarred satellites
dancing chains of blue headlights
reveal in sweet proximity
all you would never share with me.
Stand in my storm no need to run
I own the amps receivers on
give in turn up so you can hear
the song within the song
I have been playing for you all along.
Dawn Bedore Proctor
STREAMING
Orion on my shoulder
I am suddenly brave
bright and newly formed
tonight gazing walking born
along sighting what could be
an infinite new course for me
once lost to the details
obligations and what entails
a life so well intended
more well tended than it needs to be
blinding in complexity
eclipsing all that I could be.
I am suddenly brave
bright and newly formed
tonight gazing walking born
along sighting what could be
an infinite new course for me
once lost to the details
obligations and what entails
a life so well intended
more well tended than it needs to be
blinding in complexity
eclipsing all that I could be.
Orion on my shoulder
I am swiftly sadly sure
of how there came to be
this violent science inside me
our chaos of inception ignites
ruthless exploration finds only
your distant dimension
trace the tail of our formation
counting backwards I can see
single sparkling memories
scattered molten injuries
time will condense the past
sigh with goodbye at last.
I am swiftly sadly sure
of how there came to be
this violent science inside me
our chaos of inception ignites
ruthless exploration finds only
your distant dimension
trace the tail of our formation
counting backwards I can see
single sparkling memories
scattered molten injuries
time will condense the past
sigh with goodbye at last.
Orion on my shoulder
bending gently at the knee
streaming endless energy
a new sweet soaring sweeping start
no longer brilliant stars apart
lighting dreams once promised me
abandon theory I will be
completely breathing and alive
open under curving skies
to every possibility
coalesce a consciousness
out shining every past pretense
expand to lands beyond all sense
lay down the sword
of my defense.
bending gently at the knee
streaming endless energy
a new sweet soaring sweeping start
no longer brilliant stars apart
lighting dreams once promised me
abandon theory I will be
completely breathing and alive
open under curving skies
to every possibility
coalesce a consciousness
out shining every past pretense
expand to lands beyond all sense
lay down the sword
of my defense.
Dawn Bedore Proctor
FISH
You bring me flowers
I bring you fish
a family of three
weighted and afloat
still swimming
together
through waters warm
and cold
wordless companions
looking ahead
In murky surroundings
still moving, moving
seeking soft light
and feeding on the
unexpected.
I bring you fish
a family of three
weighted and afloat
still swimming
together
through waters warm
and cold
wordless companions
looking ahead
In murky surroundings
still moving, moving
seeking soft light
and feeding on the
unexpected.
Dawn Bedore Proctor
NEST
Outside in the evergreen
A nest is being built
for what will be
a faithful fragile family
twig by twig
string by string
settling in.
A nest is being built
for what will be
a faithful fragile family
twig by twig
string by string
settling in.
Inside our maze of rooms
is being dismantled
into separate lives
discarded dish by dish
book by book
disintegrating.
is being dismantled
into separate lives
discarded dish by dish
book by book
disintegrating.
Come winter we shall see
A mangy bowl of memories
designed by indifference
edited by neglect
a carcass of a home
abandoned.
A mangy bowl of memories
designed by indifference
edited by neglect
a carcass of a home
abandoned.
Dawn Bedore Proctor
ADDICTION
There is a whisper of hope
I would rather silence
than allow to die
a natural death
There is a hint of change
In your voice and mine
exposing our efforts
to act differently
There is a sense of relief
I refuse to welcome
into my home and heart
Don’t get comfortable
There is sure to be
rocks in the road
setbacks and trouble
from time to time
There is another chance
within your grasp
I can’t stand to watch
Or bear to miss
Dawn Bedore Proctor
ON AWAKENING
I had a dream that left
a bad taste in my mouth.
a coating of overly emotional residue
On tongue and teeth
bitter and sad
unconsciously sweating out of me
during fitful sleep.
a bad taste in my mouth.
a coating of overly emotional residue
On tongue and teeth
bitter and sad
unconsciously sweating out of me
during fitful sleep.
I had a dream
you were not in it.
Some other couple had
swallowed the distance
that grows between lovers
over time and were now driving
a bulging car of memories
navigating narrow roads
carrying the ageing and infirmed
past puzzles of green instructions
through mazes of orange warnings
you were not in it.
Some other couple had
swallowed the distance
that grows between lovers
over time and were now driving
a bulging car of memories
navigating narrow roads
carrying the ageing and infirmed
past puzzles of green instructions
through mazes of orange warnings
I had a dream
they pressed on
Leaving me in their dust
straining to see
the wrong turn we had taken
our failure to survive
our last long years
now forever flavored
by loss and regret.
they pressed on
Leaving me in their dust
straining to see
the wrong turn we had taken
our failure to survive
our last long years
now forever flavored
by loss and regret.
In my dream
they flew by me
a waving flag of bright clothes
buckled in and bound together
stirring up a dense cloud of
elusive and indestructible love.
blind to their questionable fate.
refusing to let go of unstable life
or each other.
they flew by me
a waving flag of bright clothes
buckled in and bound together
stirring up a dense cloud of
elusive and indestructible love.
blind to their questionable fate.
refusing to let go of unstable life
or each other.
Dawn Bedore Proctor
ODE TO AGING
One fine day
Sleep slipped away
and I woke up too early.
Now I wake
with the sun
Too early to
get anything done.
One fine night
my eye sight stopped
and I woke up all blurry.
Now I struggle each day
to read what they say
and I find I am
starting to worry.
Dawn Bedore Proctor
PASSING VENUS
In June
I saw my first meteor
I thought it was a
schools finally out firework
but it made no noise
no hiss
no boom
only white sparks trailing
off falling behind
leaving an arc of blinking white
behind my eyes
where my brain can see
where my heart can feel
it could have been
just over the trees
In the yard
starting a fire
or miles away
passing Venus
with a whoop
and a holler
happy just
to have been seen.
I saw my first meteor
I thought it was a
schools finally out firework
but it made no noise
no hiss
no boom
only white sparks trailing
off falling behind
leaving an arc of blinking white
behind my eyes
where my brain can see
where my heart can feel
it could have been
just over the trees
In the yard
starting a fire
or miles away
passing Venus
with a whoop
and a holler
happy just
to have been seen.
Dawn Bedore Proctor
WORN FROM WEAR
I would have died for you
The days we woke up side by side
Adoring all your length and sighs
And could not let you go.
The days we woke up side by side
Adoring all your length and sighs
And could not let you go.
I never wanted to
walk the rocky roadside shore
compare the seas sad eyes to yours
try not to let it show.
walk the rocky roadside shore
compare the seas sad eyes to yours
try not to let it show.
A little worn from wear
our love has come and gone
circles soft around the sun
whispers what we have become.
our love has come and gone
circles soft around the sun
whispers what we have become.
A little worn from wear
torn and faded from the fight
still so lovely in moonlight
nothing left to set it right.
torn and faded from the fight
still so lovely in moonlight
nothing left to set it right.
Tell the wind how hard we tried
wear our weaknesses with pride
drop our tears into the tide
hope they reach the other side
wear our weaknesses with pride
drop our tears into the tide
hope they reach the other side
Don’t be sorry that you cared
when you see me standing there
a little worn from wear
just a little worn from wear.
when you see me standing there
a little worn from wear
just a little worn from wear.
Dawn Bedore Proctor
SATURDAY
I could tell they were related
by the way they walked
sloping shoulders tilted in
the same direction
precisely
like plants growing
towards the sun
casting shadows at
identical angles
ages apart and
so serious
for a Saturday.
by the way they walked
sloping shoulders tilted in
the same direction
precisely
like plants growing
towards the sun
casting shadows at
identical angles
ages apart and
so serious
for a Saturday.
Dawn Bedore Proctor
SHE IS SEVEN
She is seven
She wants to play with my computer
She wants to choose her own clothes
She gets homesick at night
She hates having her hair brushed
She loves her Grandpa more than anyone
He plays Barbies the best
She is seven.
She wants her own bra
She wants her own phone
She wants a unicorn
She is seven
Her mother does not want her
Her daddy cannot take her
She has had eight homes
and four dogs
All lost
She is seven.
She wants to play with my computer
She wants to choose her own clothes
She gets homesick at night
She hates having her hair brushed
She loves her Grandpa more than anyone
He plays Barbies the best
She is seven.
She wants her own bra
She wants her own phone
She wants a unicorn
She is seven
Her mother does not want her
Her daddy cannot take her
She has had eight homes
and four dogs
All lost
She is seven.
Dawn Bedore Proctor
From the Agora, Volume 6, 2019
SIX TO ONE
Song lyrics
Half a dozen heartbreaks
this past spring alone
I should have seen you going
long before you’d gone
this past spring alone
I should have seen you going
long before you’d gone
women carry children
men try to carry names
your rambling righteous anger
was a perfect source of pain
men try to carry names
your rambling righteous anger
was a perfect source of pain
Surrender to the great unknown
your time here is through
six to one this war is done
but I’ll remember you
your time here is through
six to one this war is done
but I’ll remember you
Six to one I love you
Six to one you know
Six to one if I need you
Six to one you’ll go
Six to one you know
Six to one if I need you
Six to one you’ll go
Instrumental bridge
Surrender to the great unknown
your time here is through
six to one this war is done
but I’ll remember you
your time here is through
six to one this war is done
but I’ll remember you
Six to one I love you
Six to one its true
Six to one this war is done
but I’ll remember you
Six to one its true
Six to one this war is done
but I’ll remember you
Six to one this war is done
but I’ll remember you
but I’ll remember you
Reprise bridge – fade out
Dawn Bedore Proctor, Author
Recorded at Eden Maze Studios,
Encinitas, CA
David Bedore, Producer
All rights reserved
limited printing
Recorded at Eden Maze Studios,
Encinitas, CA
David Bedore, Producer
All rights reserved
limited printing
SPRINGSTEEN SINGS
Springsteen sings at Walgreens
Someone thinks I’m getting old.
Aims at me through elevators
and forever on-hold phones.
Someone thinks I’m getting old.
Aims at me through elevators
and forever on-hold phones.
I resent the implication
And the cruel calculation that
I’ve become a target market
for life’s largest corporations.
And the cruel calculation that
I’ve become a target market
for life’s largest corporations.
Save your receipts.
Enjoy the sales
and stay forever young.
Ignore the startling soundtrack
until all the shoppings done.
Enjoy the sales
and stay forever young.
Ignore the startling soundtrack
until all the shoppings done.
Dawn Bedore Proctor
WARM WIND
This warm wind
embraces me from every direction
lifting light blonde hair
off my neck over my eyes
no hands
all touch.
embraces me from every direction
lifting light blonde hair
off my neck over my eyes
no hands
all touch.
This warm wind
fondles fading summer light
arriving from exhausted stars
brings up gulf coast salt and sweet
shut out sight and I can see
expert idlers
leaning on bleached siding
only aware of the angle of the sun
the amount in their bottle
oblivious to wandering children
sheltered by the sweat of
always weary women.
fondles fading summer light
arriving from exhausted stars
brings up gulf coast salt and sweet
shut out sight and I can see
expert idlers
leaning on bleached siding
only aware of the angle of the sun
the amount in their bottle
oblivious to wandering children
sheltered by the sweat of
always weary women.
This warm wind
cannot impress my
massive Midwest cottonwoods
On cue they call out
a limber reckless restless crowd
twitching heart-shaped edges dancing
golden yellow fireworks
against a blue as pure as paint.
cannot impress my
massive Midwest cottonwoods
On cue they call out
a limber reckless restless crowd
twitching heart-shaped edges dancing
golden yellow fireworks
against a blue as pure as paint.
This warm wind
whispers to the winter-wary walker
of changes crouching stealthy ahead
In the annual continuum of days
Uncertain in their order
A warning of shivers to come
when this warm wind tires.
whispers to the winter-wary walker
of changes crouching stealthy ahead
In the annual continuum of days
Uncertain in their order
A warning of shivers to come
when this warm wind tires.
Dawn Bedore Proctor
ABSENT
While you were gone
I found out
I only wear makeup
for you.
I found out
I only wear makeup
for you.
While you were gone
I remembered
I do love movies
Especially at dawn.
I remembered
I do love movies
Especially at dawn.
While you were gone
I was surprised
to leave dishes dirty overnight
bills unpaid
walks unshoveled.
I was surprised
to leave dishes dirty overnight
bills unpaid
walks unshoveled.
While you were gone
I wondered about
The widow next door
And understood.
I wondered about
The widow next door
And understood.
When you are gone
one plate in the sink
one morning then one night
will memories of you
provide all my food and light?
one plate in the sink
one morning then one night
will memories of you
provide all my food and light?
While you were gone
I did not paint
the cabinets blue
I learned I loved you
more than I knew.
I did not paint
the cabinets blue
I learned I loved you
more than I knew.
Dawn Bedore Proctor
Compensation for longing looks lost
No more turned heads.
Passing on the sidewalk.
Entering the store.
Even pumping the gas.
“nice ass” he said.
No more admiring looks.
Sideways glances from those with women.
Outright stares from those without.
A whisper between two men overheard
“How about that?”
Choosing any man you wanted
Anytime you wanted.
Passing on the sidewalk.
Entering the store.
Even pumping the gas.
“nice ass” he said.
No more admiring looks.
Sideways glances from those with women.
Outright stares from those without.
A whisper between two men overheard
“How about that?”
Choosing any man you wanted
Anytime you wanted.
Compensation for longing looks lost
Where to get the best deal on a dryer.
The best cake in town.
The best steak in town.
The irreplaceable dentist.
A book in the waiting room.
Accepting the brand-new pain
The value of a true friend.
When to avoid the beltline.
How to mind my own business.
How to listen and not solve.
How to feel how the cashier feels.
How to choose to be kind.
How to make myself happy.
The best cake in town.
The best steak in town.
The irreplaceable dentist.
A book in the waiting room.
Accepting the brand-new pain
The value of a true friend.
When to avoid the beltline.
How to mind my own business.
How to listen and not solve.
How to feel how the cashier feels.
How to choose to be kind.
How to make myself happy.
Compensation for longing looks lost
More than worth it.
MOVING ON
I am taking this purple sagging heart
Putting it back into its original box
won’t pretend it isn’t worn
I will price it right or just
leave it on the curb
for anyone happening by
to take perhaps to treasure
for what they alone can make of it
Donate a life I have found hard
to understand why
was mine to inherit anyway
But you can’t live fully
with a dream
that things did not happen
and can ever be undone
that your reality was not your legacy
and will remain a stain
vintage linen yellowing
only if you try to hold on and
value an indifferent suffering
some things will never come true
Ever
And endless days of pain and loss
will lie Just beneath the surface
a whisper of tears in constant motion
in your blood threatening to rise
until you accept the truth
that injustice is your own private precious mystery
and a time can arrive
to accept your own used-up loss
and move on.
Dawn Bedore Proctor
April 2024
Compensation for longing looks lost
No more turned heads.
Passing on the sidewalk.
Entering the store.
Even pumping the gas.
“nice ass” he said.
No more admiring looks.
Sideways glances from those with women.
Outright stares from those without.
A whisper between two men overheard
“How about that?”
Choosing any man you wanted
Anytime you wanted.
Passing on the sidewalk.
Entering the store.
Even pumping the gas.
“nice ass” he said.
No more admiring looks.
Sideways glances from those with women.
Outright stares from those without.
A whisper between two men overheard
“How about that?”
Choosing any man you wanted
Anytime you wanted.
Compensation for longing looks lost
Where to get the best deal on a dryer.
The best cake in town.
The best steak in town.
The irreplaceable dentist.
A book in the waiting room.
Accepting the brand-new pain
The value of a true friend.
When to avoid the beltline.
How to mind my own business.
How to listen and not solve.
How to feel how the cashier feels.
How to choose to be kind.
How to make myself happy.
The best cake in town.
The best steak in town.
The irreplaceable dentist.
A book in the waiting room.
Accepting the brand-new pain
The value of a true friend.
When to avoid the beltline.
How to mind my own business.
How to listen and not solve.
How to feel how the cashier feels.
How to choose to be kind.
How to make myself happy.
Compensation for longing looks lost
More than worth it.